The Trouble with Traffic Lights: Why Behaviour Charts Fail Neurodivergent Kids
When behaviour is communication, punitive systems miss the point.
Introduction: Questioning the Norm
The classroom wall. A traffic light system. Stickers awarded for “good choices.” A quiet but visible name moved to yellow. A child shrinking in their seat while the rest of the class watches on. Another marble lost. Another silent message sent: you’re not doing it right.
These systems are used every day across schools and homes. Sticker charts, reward jars, token economies — all with the aim of promoting positive behaviour. They’re familiar, structured, and for many adults, they seem to work.
But do they truly work, and for all children?
For many neurodivergent children - especially those who are autistic, ADHD, PDA, or have sensory processing differences - traditional behaviour systems can cause far more harm than good. And often, that harm goes unseen until the child is struggling in silence, or melting down the moment they’re in a safe space.
I have had the privilege of teaching countless children and teens throughout my 12 years in the classroom. Throughout that time I have seen behaviour systems come and go, new fads, positive changes led by research and evidence, and archaic harmful practices that refuse to go away.
This is Personal…
With my cup of tea in my hand, peering into my behaviour management history and considering examples (of which there are many) of neurodivergent children failed by poor behaviour management practice and policies, one boy comes to mind. Let’s call him Charlie. Charlie’s parents were ‘pretty sure he has ADHD’ but he was undiagnosed. What we all knew from his year in Reception was that he was incredibly violent, volatile and showed little resilience when faced with challenges. He was academically behind and very socially aware of his differences. My school (an excellent school with wonderful staff, all doing their very best) exercised these archaic and punitive behaviour management strategies based on rewards and sanctions, and I knew that if I followed the rules and approached this the school’s way - I wouldn’t reach this child.
So, being what our old Headmaster would refer to as ‘our slightly unorthodox Year 1 teacher’, I decided it was time for a change. I made my classroom a cocoon of difference. I actually physically threw the behaviour chart in the bin, with the kids, to the sounds of cheers. I pulled down the management imposed ‘school rules’ from the board. I took down the picture cards that showed what ‘good listening’ looks like. I brought in heaps of plants, soft furnishings, pillows, blankets and teddies. I created a calm corner equipped with a wicker box of picture books and social stories, a hessian bag full of fidget toys, a poster with the Zones of Regulation, a message box with paper and pencils, and breathing exercises on the wall.
I learned as much about each of these children and their families as I could. I set up meetings with parents of children that were struggling to dig deep into what made them tick. This led to further meetings with Speech and Language Therapists, referrals to ENT’s for medical issues, support from the SENCO for learning difficulties, inclusion in play therapy sessions, programs of support for eating and relationships with food, and zones created in the classroom to ‘get the wiggles out’ for our children prone to aggressive outbursts.
I made my relationship with these children my priority, and placed our connection and feeling of trust in each other as high on my list of priorities as meeting their basic needs, such as food. There were no punishments in my classroom, but not because there were no rules or guidelines to live and work by and it was a lawless environment full of devil-may-care anarchists. There were no punishments in my classroom, because we didn’t need them. When you flip your perspective and see behaviour as communication, you begin to communicate back. They began to see that I understood them and that they could trust me, and if things were tough, I had their back.
What Behaviour Charts Are Designed to Do
Behaviour charts are often rooted in principles of behaviourism: the idea that we can reinforce “desirable” behaviours with rewards and reduce “undesirable” behaviours through sanctions. They aim to promote structure, consistency, and motivation.
They might look like:
A rainbow chart showing how many times a child has moved up or down.
A sticker system for “good listening” or “sitting still.”
A warning ladder leading to missing playtime.
These systems can feel easy to manage. They offer visual reminders, a sense of control, and a clear framework. Many educators and parents use them with the very best of intentions. But the deeper question remains: what do they actually teach? And more importantly, who are they not working for?
Why These Systems Often Fail Neurodivergent Children
❌ They prioritise compliance over connection.
For neurodivergent children, behaviour is rarely a simple choice. It’s often a communication of distress, overwhelm, or unmet needs. Behaviour charts focus on what a child is doing - not why they’re doing it. When children are dysregulated, they don’t need correction - they need co-regulation and understanding.
❌ They miss the root cause.
Charts label behaviours as “bad” or “good” without any investigation. A child who refuses to sit may be experiencing sensory discomfort. A child who doesn’t raise their hand may have slow processing speed. These systems often punish children for their neurology.
❌ They publicly shame children.
No child wants to see their name moved to “red” in front of their peers. Even well-meaning charts can become a source of embarrassment and anxiety, particularly for children already battling social or emotional challenges.
❌ They promote masking.
Some neurodivergent children will go to great lengths to stay on green - masking their distress, holding it together all day, and collapsing emotionally when they get home. This is restraint collapse, and it's not a sign of success - it’s a red flag.
❌ They assume all children are motivated by rewards.
Not all children are driven by stickers, praise, or public recognition. For many neurodivergent kids, rewards feel meaningless - or even stressful. For PDA children they can feel like a demand and can result in avoidance of the task or behaviour in question completely.
❌ They override intrinsic motivation
Children may begin to comply with rules such as ‘We use gentle hands’ because it leads to praise or rewards, rather than being internally motivated to not hit a friend because it could hurt them, and that it’s not kind.
Let’s take Charlie as an example. He was gifted in Maths, it was inspiring to watch. When made to comply with ‘good sitting’ rules (the ones you get a sticker for) that I had displayed in my class at the beginning of the year, he never put his hand up to answer the questions but would know all of the answers when I asked him about it in the playground, why was this? My curiosity led me to discover that he needs to move to think. I took down the good sitting rules and gave him a wobble cushion and a fidget toy and told him that if he needed to get up and move while we listened, then that was okay.
In my next Maths lesson, he bloomed. His hand was permanently in the air as he wobbled and fidgeted, standing to dance each time he got it right. His joy would overflow when invited to the front of the class to teach a concept he was secure in to the class as I went to sit in his spot on the floor. He felt seen and heard and his learning accelerated. I had been prioritising compliance with a meaningless rule, which meant that a child was focusing all of his attention and strength on complying for a sticker, and thereby losing his ability to additionally focus on the learning at hand.
What the Evidence Says
The research is clear: children do well when they can - not when they’re made to.
Experts like Dr. Ross Greene, Dr. Mona Delahooke, and Dr. Stuart Shanker have shown that punitive, external-control models don’t support long-term emotional regulation or well-being. In fact, they often suppress the child’s voice and miss their underlying needs.
Key insights include:
Behaviour is a form of communication.
Regulation must come before learning.
Rewards and punishments don’t teach emotional literacy - connection does.
Shame-based systems can damage self-esteem, especially in children already navigating a world that often misunderstands them.
Neuroaffirming practice calls us to move beyond “fixing” behaviours and instead build environments that meet the child where they are - with trust, curiosity, and compassion.
What to Try Instead: Respectful, Practical Alternatives
Shifting away from behaviour charts doesn’t mean abandoning boundaries or expectations. It means leading with relationship, not control. Here are evidence-based, neuroaffirming strategies that support both emotional growth and mutual respect.
✅ Co-regulation over consequence
Help children regulate their nervous systems through connection. Sit with them, breathe with them, acknowledge their emotions before addressing what happened.
✅ Use private, respectful feedback
If something needs discussing, do it gently and privately. Avoid calling out or embarrassing the child in front of others.
✅ Visual supports and emotional check-ins
Use tools like emotion charts, first/then boards, “I need a break” cards, or sensory profiles to help children anticipate transitions and express their needs. Be mindful of the strategy you choose, for example, first/then boards can work wonders for children with executive functioning challenges or Autism, though may trigger a child with PDA.
✅ Celebrate effort and self-awareness
Instead of “You were good today,” try: “I noticed you took a break before things felt too much. That was really good thinking.” This builds inner confidence, not just external compliance.
✅ Reframe your language
Ditch the “good choices” vs “bad choices” narrative. Try: “It looks like your body needs to move - want to walk with me?” or “Seems like that task feels tricky. Let’s look at it together.”
🔁 Quick Comparison
Instead of...
Name on red/green chart
Public sticker rewards
Time-out for non-compliance
“Warning” systems
Behaviour points for sitting quietly
Try...
Personalised check-ins and emotion coaching
Private, meaningful praise
Sensory breaks and co-regulation
Curiosity-led conversations: “I wonder what’s tricky?”
Recognition for advocacy: “Thanks for asking for help.”
Why This Matters So Much
Behaviour charts might seem small, but their message is loud: your worth is tied to your behaviour. For a neurodivergent child who is already navigating a world not built for them, that message can be crushing.
These systems often teach children to hide their struggles rather than share them. They reward masking. They punish natural stress responses. And they contribute to a growing sense of “I’m bad,” “I can’t,” or “I’ll never get it right.”
Changing this narrative matters. We want children to know:
You are not your behaviour.
You are not a problem to be fixed.
Your needs are valid.
You are safe here.
One of my proudest teaching moments is tiny. From start to finish it all happened within a few minutes, and I wasn’t even involved.
Sitting at my desk and looking over my Year 1 class working quietly on their storyboard on the ‘Three Little Pigs’ I saw him. Charlie was showing some early signs of distress. We had done a heap of work on resilience and coping strategies for when we find our work challenging and I was observing closely, in case he needed me to jump in. What I saw almost made me cry.
His rage began to bubble and he grabbed his pencil to scribble all over his work - but then, he put it down… He stood up, walked over to the wiggle corner, put his hands on the ‘push’ handprints and pushed against that wall with all his might. Then he padded over to the calm corner and traced his finger around the breathing exercises on the walls, slowly, while taking deep breaths. He slumped down on the cushion and took a minute to disassociate and stare at the floor, then dusted himself off and returned to his table, picked up his pencil, and slowly put up his hand, for help. That five year old had shown greater resilience, self-restraint and maturity in those few minutes than most adults I know had shown in their whole lives.
How could this work in my school?
Are you sitting there thinking, well this is all well and good but how can a school make this work on a whole-school scale, in reality?!
This is where I drop in St. Luke’s Primary School in Brighton, who have absolutely mastered this. They use evidence based and research led approaches to behaviour management, ousting behaviourist methodologies and consistently grading as ‘Outstanding’ in Ofsted inspections. I implore you to have a peek at this policy and bask in its brilliance, then pass it on to school leaders who say that moving away from behaviourist approaches cannot be done: Behavhttps://www.stlukesbn2.greenhousecms.co.uk/docs/policies/Behaviour.pdfiour.pdf
Final Thoughts
It can feel daunting to move away from systems that are so deeply ingrained. But if you’ve ever looked at a chart and thought, This isn’t working for my child, you’re not alone - and you’re not wrong.
You’re being thoughtful. Brave. Compassionate.
Because real behaviour support isn’t about rewards and punishments. It’s about helping children feel understood, supported, and capable. It’s about relationships over rules. Connection over control. And it’s about creating the kind of space where all children - including the most misunderstood - can truly thrive.
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💬 I’d love to hear from you - have you moved away from behaviour charts? What’s working for your child or students?
Tell me what you remember from behaviour management in your school life?